Your Hand In Mine

Your hand in mine by Explosions in the Sky

I am having major mood swings or something. I feel like being people you read about in books, who are always thinking deep things and doing meaningful things. I will never understand how a good author can make sitting on your couch eating Chinese food sound like the most philosophical thing a person could do. But I don't know, I feel like I need something deep in my life. I get this ache in my chest like I do before I'm about to have a panic attack and the only thing that makes it go away is listening to chill music and reading my bible. I've been reading Mathew lately, because I've never read through all the gospels at once. So I'm starting with Matthew, then Mark, then Luke, then John. It makes me feel better, which must be a good sign.

You know it's strange, going from the weak Christian I used to be to the one I am now. It happened practically over night. I always thought "Oh, give it another year or two, I'll feel like a mature Christian who can talk to other people about God and not be all awkward and weird." Like there was some sort of mark I had to meet before I could officially be considered a good Christian. But then.. big stuff sort of rocked my world and put things into perspective. So unlike before, I actually like reading my Bible. I need to read it or I get that weird panic-attack-chest-hole- feeling and can't catch my breath. It's kind of nice, actually.