Becky Starzzz

I can already feel the school year crushing me into a million different pieces. We had our first band practice last night and I had forgotten how much I loved everyone there. Afterwards a few of us got together and hung out, and it was a lot of fun. I have no idea how I'm going to balance band and church. It's going to be difficult, because both are extremely important.

I mean, band is what's going to get me into college, and where four of the best friends a person could ask for lie, but church is what's calling me, what's taking up most of my time and thought, and not only where two of the best friends a person, animal, place, or plant could ask for, but also what might enable me to help people outside my own little circle. And it's where God wants me to be. But...Band has always been in the front of my mind, and there is no way I can afford college without it. I think my mom has a little money saved away, but I know my dad doesn't, and I don't think I can make good grades and work through college at the same time.
It's very hard.

But I am going to try. I will make things balance, and if I'm lucky get a job and a car to enable me to do more to help. It made me quite angry the other day, I asked my mom to sponsor a child and she just flat out said no. I mean, we are far from rich, but we definantly have enough money to send a kid 32 dollars a day and change no only their lives, but their parents and possibly an entire community (if you're interested in finding out a bit more about sponsoring a child, go to http://www.compassion.com/default.htm ). She said all her compassion went in to supporting me, which totally isn't true. It just seemed so... selfish. And it hurt my feelings, because for the first time.... well ever, I actually care about something. I am passionate about something, which honestly has never happened to me before. Passion was a foreign thing until now. And she thinks it's just a phase so she's not even willing to do this one small thing.

But I know it's not a phase. My friend Jan put it into words really well. She said that when you know somethings a phase, you are working really fast because in the back of your mind you know 'I have to get all of this done now because I know eventually I won't care about it anymore'. And I don't feel like that about missions at all. I feel like we will only gain speed.